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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nutmeg2900's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
2:38 pm
Podcasting!
SuperDPS.com podcasting now!!! Give us a call at 215-717-7378 to get in on the fun and...stuff.....
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
6:28 pm
what the hell
The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about or tailored to those five people.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- what I create will be just for you.
- it'll be done this year
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well, if you expect me to do something for you!
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
5:41 pm
new years eve party
wednesday night
414 fountain st number 2
8-whenever!
we'll have stuff you like!
good friends, good food, and good fun, so get your ass over here tomorrow night, and bring a friend or two!

215-360-1305 or leave a message if you want any more info.
Saturday, October 25th, 2008
7:44 pm
party...tonight!
party tonight!

414 fountain, 19128

bring everyone you know! 
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
11:21 am
prom party
we're throwing a Prom Party this Saturday night! come one, come all and relive/replace your mis-spent highschool years!

414 Fountain St - Unit 2
9:30-whenever
Food, drink, dancing, music and baby-making!

be there AND be square!

bring friends, bring food, bring whatever and whoever you want!

proper dress required. no halters or exposed back dresses.  flowers and limos are permitted. 
Sunday, July 13th, 2008
11:57 pm
SIDE EFFECTS

Side Effects

The following side effects may occur from usage of eszopiclone (lunesta):[9]

Common side effects can include:

Less common side effects can include:

neuropsychiatric adverse effects reported include;[10]

If a person does not sleep immediately after taking their Eszopiclone (Lunesta) or if they get up shortly after taking their medication they may experience dizziness, lightheadedness, hallucinations (seeing things or hearing voices that are not there), as well as experience problems with coordination and memory.

Increased risk of depression

It has been claimed that insomnia causes depression and hypothesised that insomnia medications may help to treat depression. However, an analysis of data of clinical trials submitted to the FDA concerning the drugs zolpidem, zaleplon and eszopiclone found that these sedative hypnotic drugs more than doubled the risks of developing depression compared to those taking placebo pills. Hypnotic drugs therefore may be contrindicated in patients suffering from or at risk of depression. Hypnotics were found to be more likely to cause depression than to help it. Studies have found that long term users of sedative hypnotic drugs have a markedly raised suicide risk as well as an overall increased mortality risk. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for insomnia on the other hand has been found to both improve sleep quality as well as general mental health.[11]

\

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
7:29 pm
roxborough trash
for whoever doesn't know, and whoever cares...

www.roxboroughtrash.blogspot.com


new post up today!
Friday, August 17th, 2007
11:30 am
Ah, far too long since I've written anything....

I recently saw a program on tv (I think PA's channel) about all of the old neighborhood games people used to play around the city. They had all of these 50 year old men talking about and playing all the great classics....It made me think back to when I played some of this stuff...games like:

Freeze tag
Wall ball
Wall ball baseball (I think we sort of made this one up)
Chink (playing with a tenny, of course)
Spring
Wireball
Horse (or Pig, if time was limited)
Cheezeball (I think this one was unique to the playground at Terrace St, you would stand at the base of the pyramid slide steps, and shoot a ball into one of those concrete climbing tube things, moving up a step each time you got it in...)

We'd play all the wallball style games on the back wall of the old Polish Falcon, next to the Korean Church on Manor St (between Terrace and Manayunk on Salaignac).

So let's think back to some other childhood memories (and yes, I know I'm young, but things have change ALOT around the 'boro since then, with an excess of year-round sports leagues and afterschool activities, not to mention video games, too).
We have:

Nursery School and Kindergarten at Wissahickon Christian Preschool (Ridge and Manayunk)
Playing in the firehydrant on a hot day (the neighbor who had the key for it SWORE it was legal!)
Playing all of the games above, or simply playing football in the street, using telephone poles as the endzones and throwing the ball over the wire at the end from the top of the hill for field goals
Buying school clothes at the House of Bargains
Movies at the Andorra Theatre
Shopping with Mom on Ridge Avenue (long before it was all nail salons and beeper stores)
Woolworth's in Ivy Ridge AND on Ridge Ave.
Clover in Andorra
Grade school at St Josaphat's (shudder) and the longstanding rivalry towards St John the Baptist
The sprinkler pool thing at Houston Playground (it was so far away!)
Swimming at The Rec (Kendrick) or Venice Island
When Pretzel Park was a big drug hangout
The Main St Stroll on the Friday or Saturday before the bike race
Canal Day
Block parties on every block closed off by the Bike Race (and the 8 AM drunks)
The ungodly long Memorial Day Parade
The ungodly short 4th of July Parade
Marching in East Fall's 4th of July Parade, and the picnic at McMichael's Park afterwards
Troop 114 (still involved!)
Going to Kennedy Kenrick, getting made fun of for being from Roxborough (we made fun of the kids from Bridgeport)
Wissahickon AA baseball at Daisy Field (the 21st Ward kids at school made fun of that too), practicing in Cook-Wissahickon's parking lot
Biddy Basketball for the Braves at the Rec
Being bussed to Cook-Wissahickon and Mifflin for M.G.


Feel free to comment with more...it's a shame things like Canal Day and the Stroll have basically died, it seems like all of the old Main St events are wrapped into the Arts Festival, which is nice and all, but not the same. It doesn't seem like there are even kids outside playing anymore. We used to block of the street playing stuff, and hearing "CAR!" and "GAME ON!" was common around the area.

Strangely enough, I find myself playing things like stickball and wall ball with my friends who've never heard of stuff like this today. I really wish I could be blocked by kids playing Chink on the back wall of the old Falcon.

I've learned a lot since I've turned 21, too...(I'm going list crazy today...)

Main St. is a lot cooler when you're 15 and peoplewatching.
Upper Roxborough trash is the same as Lower Roxborough trash
Stay out of Peck Miller's at all costs!
Murphy's is the bar to frequent (especially for karaoke and quizzo!)
Castle Roxx is the douchiest bar in all of Doucheville
The people at the State Store on Ridge Ave (next to the Post Office) hate their job as much as they hate you

What other great memories and lessons do you have to share about our fine neighborhood, or your own?
Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
11:54 am
QUIZZO AT MURPHY'S!
This is it, kids, the social event of the century!

This Sunday night, 8:30, at Murphy's Bar on the corner of Henry and Roxborough Aves, Alex and I will be hosting QUIZZO! Come on out for a night of fun, food, cheep beer and trivia! Prizes go to the winner of each round, with a BIG PRIZE for the BIG WINNER at the end of the night!


So everyone out there, come on out, bring a friend or two!


A T-Bone Authorized event
Monday, May 21st, 2007
9:56 am
i'm 21 today. 
Monday, May 7th, 2007
9:54 pm
Travelling swallowing Dramamine...
holy substance influenced journal update, batman!

well, kids, here we are. may is here (yeah, i'm a tad late, so what?)

kids...all other news/politics/philosophy/excitement aside....i have a kidney stone (probably).  the other week it started hurting, i went to the doctor on friday to see what was up, and it turns out i dont have any infection, so its looking like a kidney stone is the diagnosis. son of a bitch. its one of those neat little medical things where they cant do anything for you except give you these trippy little pills to take when it hurts alot and tell you to drink alot of water until you pee out a little piece of sand. man, this week is gonna be great.  plus trippy little pills mean no drinking, and theres only so many of those, so i need to make em last and only take em when it gets real bad.  guys out there....dont let this happen. i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. not in a gazillion years. 

so sorry theres not more to it tonight than this, just a little update and warning for you kids. 
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
9:37 pm
Thursday, January 25th, 2007
6:47 pm
so we'll drink-and drink-and drink to lydia pinkham-pinkham-pinkham...
savior of (the savior of!) the human race (the human race!). she invented the medicinal compound. it's advantageous in every waaa-aaa---ay.

stupid grey area labeling of politcally incorrect songs. i say that because you'd get in trouble for singing that song at a scout camp, school, or other area with children around. also, i'm getting damned sick of people on tv crying. they were showing a thing on the news about the smoking ban debate in atlantic city, and they have some woman addressing the board crying about how scared she is over her mother and what not. ok, i know it's hard, but be a grown up. realize that your mom CHOSE to work there. realize that crying, especially when you have a really annoying voice, is not going to win my vote. just a thought.

you know, its weird...i have such conflicting view on everything nowadays...i mean, politically, morally, religiously, personally, everything. i mean, on the one hand, i feel bad for...not really abandoning, i guess expanding/changing/growing up from the values i held when i was younger. these are the things i grew up believing in, living, loving, valueing and advocating. i believe in very different things now than i did 4 years ago. well, i think i do. did i really believe the things i did, or did i just think i did? did i believe in them just because they were different from all of the douchebag kids out there? and its not just one or two things, its everything. lifestyle and morality are two of the big things, i guess. i live a very different lifestyle with different values and actions, 4 years ago, i wouldn't think i would be sitting here, staying up until, eh, whenever i feel like it, thinking about how much booze and pot will be consumed at my best friend's birthday party, spending money whenever i want, even having the relationship i do with someone i plan to spend a long long time with. this is not how i visioned my life to be, not to say that i'm in any way disappointed, believe me (especially about the relationship!). it's just that...i guess...well, for example, take my political beliefs. what i believed in four years ago...both the things i wanted for the country, state, city and all, and the values i held personally...they're different. and while i don't, for a second, regret what i used to believe in, i realize that what i believe in now is better, more realistic, more grown up, i suppose. but then i think, was i misguided and wrong then, or did i give up my values? that's where the conflict lies. i don't want to grow up. i'm a toys'r'us kid

i call myself a libertarian, interested in personal freedom and personal responsibilty. four years ago, i would have made a model young republican. ok, fair enough, i grew up (and no, conservitive values did NOT come from church or school, my parents were always fairly open with their beliefs and ideals, and mine were based on conclusions i came up with by myself, for the most part, based on thought and my own beliefs and morality). but i grew up, i think. so...did i just give up on the things i believed in to let people do their own thing? did i just get wishy-washy and abandon the mission to fight for what i thought was right? (actually, i know the answer, and the answer is that i'm just overthinking things).

one group i always thought was REALLY stupid was the "anarchists." yeah, the hot topic ones. the ones who don't know what the FUCK they're talking about. pissed me off. alot. worse than know-it-all-clueless liberals. but, in a weird way, i find myself respecting, not really agreeing with so much, but respecting the true anarchists (yea, i think i'm spelling it wrong) more than the people who represent those moral values i keep referring to. not to oversimlify, but the against me! song, baby i'm an anarchist really sort of strikes this feeling deep. i want to passionately have a system, a belief, a direction and cause. maybe i WANT to be an anarchist. or a conservitive. maybe even a liberal. (not a socialist, that would just be silly). i want to be...i want to be a homosexual. (no, its a song quote, don't worry!)

in a similar vein, people who claim to be "athiests" can often be just as close minded and douchey as the christians they are trying to spite. here's a hint to all of you. we don't know. i don't know. you don't know. believe, have faith, question it (there's nothing weaker than untested faith), examine it, challenge it, learn it. but don't douche-i-fy it. here we go again. the God debacle. do i believe in God? right now? tonight? yes, i do. i believe that some being that we cannot begin to comprehend created, or at least started the creation of all of this. i believe that Christ did walk the earth, if you don't believe me, there are pretty good records out there that can at least prove he existed and was executed. what about Christ's divinity? now there's a question. was he God and man? was Christ the only son of God, in the way that the church has us think? i really don't know. i know that i believe he did walk the earth, and i believe in his philosophies, teachings, and values. help those in need. be kind, take care of your family, try to walk away rather than keep an arguement going needlessly. don't be a douche. i believe in the teachings of Christ, so, am i, therefore a Christian? sure. but can a Christian doubt the holiness of him? or the existance of God at all, for that matter? doesn't that all contradict itself? yet another dilemma. and yes, i do think about this alot.

i've realized recently that i need to be creative. i need to perform. i need an outlet for...everything. when i have no outlets, all i do is think, and never explain, which is why i get all knotted up with words and thoughts sometimes. see the above paragraphs for examples. whenever i go to do something creative, though, nothing ever comes out. i need inspiration. i need a desire to write, create, build. i need to find my muse, well, at least figure out what it is. don't get me wrong, i'm not uninspired to live life or anything like that, just to create. what is the thing that most gets my creative juices flowing? politics? philosophy? religion? current events? love? lyrics and poetry tend to be the best when they're written about the muse that most inspires. maybe i haven't been trying to write about the right things. maybe i'm just a shitty poet/lyricist/writer. maybe i just think too much.

rereading that last paragraph, i'm not saying that my relationship doesn't inspire me. the relationship i have inspires me to do everything i do. i just can't write lyrics or anything that relates to it. i think it has to deal with that lack of ability more than anything else. i just can't write songs about love. the more i think about it, though, i realize that i may be misguided. i can write about love, i can write about her, us, sex, and everything. just not in song form. realizing that relieves me, in a twisted way. perhaps in time i can hone my craft to be able to write more perfectly about the things i most care about. i cannot write about love because my writing is imperfect, and nothing i could write could possibly live up to the standards i hold concerning the subject. woah. what's love got to do with it?


but seriously, even the stuff i've written about tonight is the same old shit. same old babbeling, trying to sound deep, and me degrading it after its written down. i know it gets old.

i hate dealing with immature people. fucking kids who are mentally in highschool still with their fucking highschool problems and attitudes. and yet i find myself wandering about people. people i dislike with an undying passion,(never hate), i find myself wishing i would run into them. alot. i want to reconnect with old friends, really, i do. deep down inside, that's not bullshit. but a part of me wants to rub it in. i really do want to see Gina, Lisa, Alicia, Jake, and who-all else, just to say hey, see how they're doing and chat, reminise about old times. i also want to tell them about my good fortune. this, however, makes me as much of a douchebag as they all are. i wish i was less of a douche, sometimes. i find myself, disturbingly often, creating scenarios in my head about what would happen if's. what would the conversation be like if i saw XYZ in the mall? how would my killer monologue sound in this setting? how can i smash apart the friends who come crawing back? i dwell on the past. alot, if you haven't noticed. and for no real reason. i am happy. this is the time i can remember saying that. i am happy about everything my current situation involves (except maybe living at home, but even that has its benefits). but there's always some horrible nagging at me about shit that's been over and done with for a long time. and i don't even know what, specifically. i'm over the injustices. i'm past it. and better for it. maybe i just with that other people would consider the impacts of their actions more. or maybe i really am as immature as they all said i was.



well, i cant really think of anything else to bitch about at the moment. leave me whatever sort of comments you like.
Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
2:31 pm
...
if anyone out there actually has the balls to fill this out 100% truthfully, i'll have a hell of alot of respect....or...maybe not, actually...but...go ahead! do it anonymously if you'd like.




This survey is a bit different. Let's see if you have the balls to complete it. Either repost with your answers or respond privately. Have fun and be honest you lying bastards!

[+] for YES you've done it and liked it [-] Yes you've done it and don't like it [*] its ok [=] Haven't done it but want to try it [X] Haven't done it but dont want to try it. [?] If you're too prude to know what it means.

1. [] 24/7 Total power exchange
2. [] Age play
3. [] Anal sex (giving)
4. [] Anal sex (receiving)
5. [] Ass play (giving)
6. [] Ass play (receiving)
7. [] Asphyxiaphilia (giving) (breath play for you idiots out there)
8. [] Asphyxiaphilia (receiving)
9. [] Biting (giving)
10. [] Biting (receiving)
11. [] Blindfolds (giving)
12. [] Blindfolds (receiving)
13. [] Blood play (giving)
14. [] Blood play (receiving)
15. [] Body hair (having it)
16. [] Body hair (wanting it)
17. [] Bondage (dom)
18. [] Bondage (sub)
19. [] Branding (giving)
20. [] Branding (receiving)
21. [] Breast/nipple clamps (giving)
22. [] Breast/nipple clamps (receiving)
23. [] Candle wax (giving)
24. [] Candle wax (receiving)
25. [] Chains (dom)
26. [] Chains (sub)
27. [] Cling film (dom)
28. [] Cling film (sub)
29. [] Cock and ball clamps (giving)
30. [] Cock and ball clamps (receiving)
31. [] Collar and lead (dom)
32. [] Collar and lead (sub)
33. [] Confinement (dom)
34. [] Confinement (sub)
35. [] Coprophilia (giving) (shit play you fools)
36. [] Coprophilia (receiving)
37. [] Cross dressing (wearing)
38. [] Cross dressing (watching)
39. [] Cupping (giving) (suction of the skin)
40. [] Cupping (receiving)
41. [] Dacryphilia (dom) (another big word for ya...arousal from tears)
42. [] Dacryphilia (sub)
43. [] Defilement (dom) (look it up)
44. [] Defilement (sub)
45. [] Dildo play (giving)
46. [] Dildo play (receiving)
47. [] Discipline (dom)
48. [] Discipline (sub)
49. [] Doctor Nurse Fetish (doctor/nurse)
50. [] Doctor Nurse Fetish (patient)
*****intermission*****

51. [] Domination (dom)
52. [] Domination (sub)
53. [] Electrotroture (giving)
54. [] Electrotroture (receiving)
55. [] Exhibitionism (doing)
56. [] Exhibitionism (watching)
57. [] Feathers (giving)
58. [] Feathers (receiving)
59. [] Fisting (giving)
60. [] Fisting (receiving)
61. [] Food play (giving)
62. [] Food play (receiving)
63. [] Gangbangs (giving)
64. [] Gangbangs (receiving)
65. [] Hair pulling (doing)
66. [] Hair pulling (receiving)
67. [] Handcuffs/shackles (dom)
68. [] Handcuffs/ shackles (sub)
69. [] Humiliation (dom)
70. [] Humiliation (sub)
71. [] Knife/needle play (giving)
72. [] Knife/needle play (receiving)
73. [] Lace/Lingerie (wearing)
74. [] Lace/Lingerie (watching)
75. [] Latex (wearing)
76. [] Latex (watching)
77. [] Leather (wearing)
78. [] Leather (watching)
79. [] Making home porn (filming)
80. [] Making home porn (being filmed)
81. [] Masks (wearing)
82. [] Masks (others wearing)
83. [] Massage (giving)
84. [] Massage (receiving)
85. [] Master/slave (master)
86. [] Master/slave (slave)
87. [] Mutual Masturbation (doing)
88. [] Mutual Masturbation (watching)
89. [] Nipple play (giving)
90. [] Nipple play (receiving)
91. [] Oral fixation (using mouth)
92. [] Oral fixation (being mouthed)
93. [] Oral sex (giving)
94. [] Oral sex (receiving)
95. [] Pain (giving)
96. [] Pain (receiving)
97. [] Photography/erotic (photographing)
98. [] Photography/erotic (being photographed)
99. [] Piercings (having)
100. [] Piercings (others having)

***** what you want another intermission? There wasn't even any big words this time*****

101. [] Pinching (giving)
102. [] Pinching (receiving)
103. [] Podophilia (giving) (see at least your extending your vocabulary...foot fetish)
104. [] Podophilia (receiving)
105. [] Rimming (giving) (if you dont know dont ask)
106. [] Rimming (receiving)
107. [] Role playing (doing)
108. [] Role playing (receiving)
109. [] Rubber (wearing)
110. [] Rubber (others wearing)
111. [] Sex during menstruation (giving)
112. [] Sex during menstruation (receiving)
113. [] Spanking/Paddling (dom)
114. [] Spanking/Paddling (sub)
115. [] Talking dirty (talking)
116. [] Talking dirty (being talked to)
117. [] Tickling (giving)
118. [] Tickling (receiving)
119. [] Tongue fetish (using tongue)
120. [] Tongue fetish (being tongued)
121. [] Toys (giving)
121. [] Toys (receiving)
122. [] Urolagnia (giving) (take a guess....piss play)
123. [] Urolagnia (receiving)
124. [] Voyeurism (being watched)
125. [] Voyeurism (watching)
126. [] Whips (dom)
127. [] Whips (sub)
Sunday, November 5th, 2006
11:08 pm
chuch norris doesn't t-bag women. he potato sacks them.
ah, remember, remember the 5th of november. happy guy fawkes day. let's all go burn efogees of terrorists!

seriously, though...i have a pretty bad headache at the moment...it seems to be happening alot lately at work, its not like i have a superstressful job or anything...so who knows whatever that means.

i'm not really sure what to write about tonight...i feel like writing, but i dont know what about. i had a little..existential crisis this past week, but i guess its all resolved now. i resigned myself to not give a damn about the grandeur of existance. also, i should stop watching nova specials about the expansion of the universe.

gasp, apparently kids are looking at porn on their PSP's. next think you know, they'll be stealing it from their dads, trying to buy it at adult bookstores, and sneaking into x rated films. i am shocked and apalled.

so yeah, last night we went to St Josahpats Christmas Bazaar. I won my parents booze. we then went home and played hearts while listening to barry manilow. oddly enough, it wasnt a terrible time, in my opinion, others may argue.

"We've gotta get rid of this chill!" says the weather man on tv. yeah man, a chill in FUCKING november? unheard of.

you know, i really don't like sleeping in a bed with other people, with one exception. i always sleep terrible, well, unless i'm sleeping with her. and now, tonight, i get my whole bed to myself. and i'm going to be all lonely and not able to sleep well. how about that? it just wont feel right, i guess.

delaware, new jersey, montgomery and chester counties need to STFU about the elections. i don't care about tom kean jr, jim gerlach, thomas mcdouchebag, or anyone else. santorum is a d-bag. casey is too, you can't pretend he isn't. at least i know the extend of rick's d-baggery. blah blah blah, i dont want to rant about politics...they arent fun this year...it just sorta sucks

jesus h, its only 11, it feels like 1 in the morning. i always intend to sleep on the bus, but it never really works out so well...that leads me to having two cups of coffee at work, and a big ole tummy ache.

blah, i think i'm fed up with some stuff, but i really dont know what....that's frustrating...well, ok, there was nothing of substance in this...but i'll write more this week, kids, don't worry. all desires will be fulfilled.
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
10:57 pm
They`d strike chords that cut like a knife...
Dear mother,
This is just survival.
Cannot promise your children everything,
But you would lie so they can sleep tonight.
Defeat tasted nothing like you said.
Still 22 days left till the end of the world.
My legacy was making you a man
For a justice I could not change.
This is one voice not to forget;
"Fight every fight like you can win;
An iron fisted champion,
An iron willed fuck up."

Can anybody tell me why God won`t speak to me?
Why Jesus never called on me to part the fucking seas?
Why death is easier than living?
You can be almost anything
When you`re on your fucking knees.
Not today,
Not my son,
Not my family,
Not while walking is still honest,
And you haven`t given up on me.

well, kids, here we are. i still exist and think too much about life and living and living my life. and its ok, i know you didn't really read the above lyrics. they're about sort of...the realizing the lie of god's existance...not that i really believe he doesn't exist...its just one of those songs where the lyrics really sick with you sometimes. and we'd dance like no one was watching, with our fists in the air...

i have the biggest fucking headache ever. seriously. like the worst i've ever had. ttly not cool...fuckin with my head.

but what is cool is what occurs on thursday. the big one year mark. see? i dont lack maturity (well, sometimes, but not like that!) or the ability to commit to things and say that i want to stay a part of them (when i actually want to). its weird, i was thinking...anyone who knows me knows that i do not like being forced to do things. at all. and i really do not react well when forced to do things. i mean, pushed to do something i really want deep down inside, fine. but forced against my will to do something? no. not happening. and i think that's a problem i've had in the past. people have wanted to solve my problems for me and shit like that, but i didn't want to. i didn't want to share, open, spew, or whatever else. and i was pushed more and more to. and with that came all the other relationshippy shit that goes along with "feelings" and "emotions." (yes, this paragraph is semi-sarcastic. but to what extent? choose your own adventure.) and, resenting being forced into things, naturally i would resent the situation. but now, today, here, this...i want to open and share and be saved. in fact, i want to be completely open, and share everything and be saved together. its a different perspective, sort of, a different way to view "life." everything looks different from far away.

yep. back to the good old nonsensical thoughtless/ful ramblings of whatever i'm thinking about. that old chestnut. i think alot these days, too much idle time on the bus and all, i suppose. i think about the past, old friends long gone, old friends that might as well be, old friends that weren't really friends at all, current friends in each of those categories...things that once seemed life-changing but now seem meaningless, things that seemed meaningless that really were life-changing...well thats how life goes, isn't it...and i guess if i spend too much time thinking about it, i risk missing what i have left, which, in the grand scheme of things, isnt all that long, huh? all these memories lose their meanings.

yesterday, someone asked me if i thought she was the one. without the slightest bit of hesitation, i said yes. a minute later, i realized the quickness of my responce, and obviously is was something i've known, but it sort of struck me (for the 100th time) how much i really believe that. what's that, you say, a public display of affection? from him? yes, virginia, there IS a santa clause (yes, virginia, there IS a stronger mint!). (and i really hope you don't get embarrassed by this, if you do, just call me and i'll make it go away). i've reached a point in my life that it feels like alot of people don't see until their older. maybe they just push it away until they are? sure, some kids do it up nice and young, 17, 18. i'm 20, 21 in a few months. i'll be 23 when i graduate college, an old man, over the hill and soforth. but its nice to have such confidence in something in my life. maybe that's where the tie in to the song lyric is. i could go on for ages, but if you'd like me to, i'd rather just talk about it individually, if you want anything more specific.

ah, to be young and in love, optomistic and excited. feelings i was never familiar with, much less used to, now an everyday part of my life. i'll save the real mushy stuff for the card, and only she'll see it (for brit-ish eyes onlyyyyyyy). so yea, good time happy feelings the next few weeks. anniversary, maybe a little trip, concerts, thrills, spills, changes and adventures, surprises for all!

i went to my old scout troop's meeting on monday night, i got to lead the game. i actually missed it, i spent alot of time at those things, LOTS of camping (and adventure and hiking!), lots of friends and good times and all. but we all get nostalgic for our childhood, i guess. i sort of want to help the kiddies have some of the same bitchin experiances i had, maybe that's why i feel the need to help out, show up, volunteer at camp and all that. cause someone else did it for me, and if i dont, maybe no one else will. i want to be that inspirational figure for a kid, the guy who everyone looks up to for guidance and advice and leadership. i dont feel like putting up with the bullshit that goes with it, though. what a drag it is getting old.

politics. man, even I'M not feeling it right now. you KNOW its frustrating when even i dont feel like bitching about it. casey's a douch, so is santorum. so is swann, and rendell write in Dave Grow instead of voting for those d-bags. and please, dear citizens of Roxborough, don't vote for kathy mandarino. just dont do it. if you read one part of this blog, its that last sentence.

its weird how a bunch of people from the past have all talked to me online in the past week. stranger yet is the need i feel to prove to them that i'm not who i used to be. but i am. i am moresore. i am more the cynic and asshole and coldhearted bastard than i was in gradeschool and highschool. but i'm also alot more compassionate, alot more mature, more responsible, outgoing, blah blah blah.. maybe its just that i know when to channel all my cynicism and stuff into one superpowered lazer of caustic sarcasm. why do i need to prove myself to kids i went to fucking GRADEschool with? they hated me then. i feel the need to say "fuck you, you should have been/stayed friends with me!" thats not to say that i haven't enjoyed it alot (both the talking to old folks, and trying to outdo myself). ok, so maybe i'm not as mature as people supposidly say i am/was (who ever actually said i was mature in highschool, i never really figured that one out, even though compared to most people, at least in social situations, i really fucking was..e.it was the imaginative and creative ways where i let myself not grow up TOO much, so i could still write and act and express, which i never really reached the lever i would have liked to). so there we have it. i'm as shallow and self rightious as the next guy. at least i admit it (there i go again!). heil kennedy kenrick catholic high, mein school, mein pride!

i love a good confrontation (but only when i'm prepared) and argument. i love making people feel uncomfortable, and for making them realize the pain they've cause other people (vindictive, much?). i love watching people squirm and regret their misdoings. i hate confronting people about menial shit, though...i'm scared to use the god damned telephone to make an appointment. no, seriously, i am. i've been putting it off, not because i'm scared to go, but because i'm scared to schedule the appointment. i struggle to make phonecalls for work. again, no shitting, i really do. i struggle to warm up to new people (but once i do, i'm usually really friendly, right?) i hate approaching people and asking for help, even when its obvious that's why they're there, like in school. maybe thats why i didnt do so hot this year (mister f!). its crazy. i cant ask or approach people who are there to help me, but i can confront people who have tried to knock me down. and that's about the time that bitch hung up on me.

so here i am, once again, sitting in my room, computer in lap, typing about nothing, shit that you dont want to read, and i dont feel like typing out. looking for topics i can rant and ramble and try to provide substance for, just to take up space on the internet. vodka still makes me really fucking sick, d-bags at work and school still suck. i am getting paid more. nicely more. i miss her alot, even though she just went to bed. how f'ing cute is that? i actually find myself lonely at night, and reaching for her when i wake up in the middle of the night (which i always do, assuming i ever actually fall asleep). but thats a different problem (the not falling asleep one). sleeping with someone is much nicer. (actually, sleeping with someone almost always really fucking sucks, to be honest, but not with her, its actually much more comfortable and pleasent and tolerable than sleeping alone). she's with me every day.

i am sick of dealing with bullshit. also, america needs more zepplins. that'd be a pretty bitchin addition to our air force.

Current Mood: complacent
Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
3:26 pm
not one more word tonight...
yea, so the subject has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this. deal with it. this is the last week of classes here at our fair university until finals, which means i have a metric shit ton of work to do, and three more days to do it, and then study for finals. oh well, the busy life of a student, i suppose...then it's all over until april, thank god. three more years until college is over. of course, a year of that will be spent on co-op, but still...2009 is quite a ways away. and no summer vacation. ever. such is life, i suppose.

i'm not really sure why i started to sit down and write right now. maybe it's the boredom of waiting an hour between classes in an empty lounge that's situated in an almost completely empty building. it's kind of nice, and at the same time, i have that...you're still in school and its starting to get dark out, fall is coming feeling that i'm not so fond of. don't get me wrong, fall is okay in my book, especially when it means ending school rather than begininng, but there's something about that shortened day thing that gets to me sometimes. sort of like...when my day (at school or work) is over, i want it to still be light out for some reason. but its just another season, fall turns to winter, and winter back into spring. the circle of life continues and all of that.

but on this cool, humid, late august day, i am sitting in an empty lounge, listening to absolutely nothing except the occasional footstep from someone somewhere else in the building, and looking outside, wandering when it's going to start getting dark for real. well, i also hear the almost creepy half second delayed echo of my typing entirely too hard on my keyboard. god damn, this couch just isnt comfortable.
(see, happy kids? paragraphs (sort of))

i think about the people i dont talk to very much sometimes, both the people i'm GLAD i dont talk to, and the people i wish i did more. i wonder what was the breaking point, that one moment where the quality of friendship/relationship/whatever got to the point where we didn't need to talk every day, every week, whatever. and of course, i can never come up with the answer. maybe it's because there isn't a good answer. or maybe i'm just too much of an asshole to see where i fucked up. probably both. but i get curious, too, what's becoming of everyone? some people, it's just morbid curiosity, others its actual concern. and yet, through all the changes, the friendships made and lost, the assosicates through other friends and everything...Jesus is still dancing away on my livejournal. dancin' the millenium away. i don't care if it rains or freezes...

i could get into the nonsense philosophical blah blah blah that i do sometimes, i am really who i say i am? am i really who i THINK i am? is anyone? whatever. but you kids don't want to read that. you want action, adventure, romance, sex, lies, explosions, and combinations of all of those. so i shall stick to the basics (for now, at least, no promises).

i hate myspace. and livejournal. and the internet, as its used by most people (including myself). it's ridiculous...we have this unbelieveable huge library of knowledge, all of the information ever written down, seen, or heard, in one place (well, many...but..), and we myspace. we blog about stuff no one really cares about. we post videos of our friends lip-syncing to pop songs. and we have jesus dance the milennium away. there he goes! watch em! he's dancing!

i also realize that i do not read or write (substance) nearly enough these days. i find it hard for text to grab and hold my attention as much as it used to, i've become trained to enjoy capsulized reviews of everything. and to have instant gratification (not that kind, sicko!). my songs, my papers, my research. bang. it's there. which is good. and terrible. as long as my jesus is still dancing though...

the city of philadelphia should keep its promise to the boy scouts of america, since they've kept their promise to the city. forever means forever, mister street.

it seems like christmas is soon approaching again. yes, i know its only september (almost) but it feels like it to me. weird. but more importantly than that (well, this year and to me, at least), october 19th is approaching, which will be our first aniversary. i just wish i had some way to make it as special as i should. see, i always have great ideas and concepts, but how often can i ever complete them, how practical are they? but thats not just for october, that's sort of a year round problem i have, not being able to express/show/deliver what i think i should sometimes. i do try, though, know that! i wish i could just show the magnitude of my...emotions and feelings better. (big)

i still haven't been having ALOT of luck sleeping lately, which isnt really new. and sleeping alone seems to make it harder/worse, i'm sort of not used to it. i've been keeping the stupid sleep diary online like they told me to. it told me exactly what i told the doctor. so conclusive! oh well, i'm rather used to it, so its not a big deal...

i really miss summer camp. and i miss treasure island alot, but its summer camp in general that i feel i'm missing out on. the scheming, the plotting, the extra nights out, the singing in the dining hall, the funoodle, cope, climbing, and all of that. 2009, the next and last season of camp for me (maybe). it would be fun, if i could do it...we'll see what happens.

i hate drexel more and more every day. and no, its not just because this is week 10 and i'm almost done for now. its everything. princeton review has it right, unfortunately. long lines, red tape, professors that dont care and aren't around, too many ta's, unhappy students...but its not affecting enrollment, so i guess it won't be addressed. three more years. thats it, then its the real world, real job, real money, real future. sort of. i would like certain things to happen now, but it's really not feasible right now, unfortunately. i wish it were, things would be alot easier.

i would like to be able to sum up and conclude so mething here, but there's really nothing to conclude. i have to write 500 words about oppenheimer, do a bunch of CAD homework, and organize a debate presentation about the boy scouts getting evicted by friday. tonight is drexel's chorus concert, too, which i'll be stopping by at. something to look foreward to today, at least (well, something else). but for now, i must take my chucks, studded belt, low slung jeans, smallish longsleeved t-shirt and fake-self to class (i dont really know what that means, i just felt like saying it). i have to pee, too, maybe i should have left a minute earlier. oh well. dance on.

edit later on! so...how the balls did this thing get 6 views already? there are only 4 people on my reader list, and i'm pretty sure at least three of them haven't seen it yet....very odd...oh well, i guess i feel like writing more, since i have about a half hour to kill before class again. dinner was a steak egg and cheese sandwich, very tastey...

and it occurs that i really do write about nothing when i write in one of these things. its just random thoughts, which i suppose is the purpose of a blog or journal or whatever, but still...i have more substance to me than just this. maybe i've lost my touch. that, and i'm really not so sure about what to write, what will embarrass or piss off whom, and so on. since when have i ever cared about that? i guess once something's in print, especially on the internet, it exists forever. not that its always a bad thing. so let's see...excitement...substance....

oh, there we go! canada is in a few weeks. alex, cj, anthony and i are going to niagara falls for a wild few days spend inside our neighbor to the north. (if i have to take a chubby for the family, i'll suck it up...). yea, see, you dont care about that stuff either, do you?

so yea, i'm not depressed...not really, well, maybe, but not on the surface at least. so that can mean pretty much anything, i guess. i just want to sleep comfortably and with someone else (yes, a very specific someone else). i feel like i can protect and comfort when we do. whether or not that's actually the case is a different story, i guess...but i like being able to take care of things and people, especially someone who is so important to me.

eh, so yeah, i had no reason to update this further, there's still nothing exciting here. sorry kids.
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
8:09 am
Dear Whomever Pulled the Fire Alarm in Van R on Tuesday, July 7th at 7:30ish in the Morning,
While this much needed test to the building safety system was appreciated, I ask that next time, you choose a slightly more appropriate time of day before your next dry run. Whoever you are, (a well meaning RLO staff member? Drexel Security? Dislocated Frat Row resident?) you sure put alot of people at an inconvenience. The poor Philadelphia Fire Department, for example, had to gear up and come all the way over from 34th and Haverford. That's a 1500 ft. trip, and you know they were busy doing something important, it took them almost 15 minutes to get here. Let's not forget the poor Drexel Security officers who had to drive their trucks and Segways (or, the most unfortunate ones who had to *gasp* walk) the three long blocks through West Philadelphia, which we all know isn't the best neighborhood around, and Drexel Maintanence, who had to carry those HUGE keyrings up to turn the damned thing off. Most importantly, however, I believe it was the residents of Van R who were inconvenienced. My roommate, for example, was in the middle of taking a shower when he heard that voice over the loudspeaker, warning us of the possible threat, and advising us to leave, like some sort of automated guardian angel. I know this was the case with others, as several students exited the building wet, or carrying personal hygiene products, disheveled and unmade-up (and you thought Drexel didn't have many good looking girls before...) I, personally, opted to bring my pillow outside and nap against the side of the building (wasn't Drexel Security supposed to make us stay 500 ft. back...?). This brings me to the group of students that I feel were inconvenienced the most, those who were still asleep. How many residents of Van R didn't have to get up for another two or three hours? How many, like myself, were enjoying those precious few minutes left of their sleep? I was in the middle of a really great dream about being on a cruise with my roommate and best friend from back home, it was really awesome. Thanks for taking away my only escape from this harsh reality and grueling semester.

I digress, however, my point remains. Next time you hold an impromptu fire drill, make it count! Do it at 4 in the morning, so residents actually have a chance to fall back asleep. Or at 11 PM on a Friday night, so students don't have to worry about class or homework the next day. Either way, just think of all the people who are put off their daily routines next time, and who this decision might hurt the most...students who don't have class until noon.

Thank you for your understanding.
David Grow
Sophomore, CoE
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
5:43 pm
do this
i stole this from mark, since none of you bothered to comment on my last entrymajig.

01. Tell me something obvious about you.
02. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
03. What is your biggest fear?
04. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
05. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
06. What is your most treasured possession?
07. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
08. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
09. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
12. Are you the jealous type?
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
16. When was the last time you cried?
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it?
Monday, June 26th, 2006
10:15 pm
for those of yall who wear fanny packs...
well i've got this great idea
why don't we pitch it to the Franklin fucking Mint?
Fine pewter portraits of General Apathy and
Major Boredom singing, "..."

so much time, so little to say...what's going on with me? absolutely nothing. and absolutely everything. this is college, these 4 (well, 5) years are supposed to be the end all, be all, best, most adventurous, craziest wildest years of my life, right? but i dont much dig the party scene, so...ok, we can take the crazy, wild shit out, thats my doing. and don't get me wrong, with some of the stuff going on with my life, i've never been happier, and more surrounded by love and friends and all that. but college, not outside relationships and all, college itself just isn't fun. i hate school, this school, that school, your school, all of it. 11 weeks and i'm done for another half a year. oh well, i'll just suck it up and what not. i like work, though, and i'm looking foreward to going back to co-oping, which makes me think that i really am in the right place...well, at least i'm on the right path. i moved into my new place this weekend, 33rd and poweltonish, right across the street from the original MOVE houses. classssy. far away from classrooms. campus seems pretty deserted so far, then again, only about 2/5 of the school is here, probably less. i've just been so....indifferent since i've move in here, for some reason. i have no clue why. its like....well...i guess its depression, but it feels different. i'm apathetic about alot of things, and pessimistic about alot others. although there are certain things that i AM looking at the bright side of. and those things...i can't even begin to describe how positive they are for me. there are things i want to do now that i know i need to wait a few years to do. this is (currently) sort of...leading to that excited anxiety of when you really want something NOW but you have to wait for it. well, i guess by all reasonable measures, i dont NEED to, but for all logistical, social, financial, and responsible aspects, i do...and that's fine, i'm more than willing to. its just the mood i'm in. but yeah, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me this week...it just feels like there are only one or two things that can bring me out of it, and when that's over, i'm back in the thick of it. (but the lows are so extreme, that the good seems fucking cheap, and it teases you for weeks in its absence...) but...its not just that, don't get me wrong, doing those few amazing things does help...alot....i totally just disagreed with myself. deal with it.

sometimes i get to a point where i just can't understand or figure out how i'm going to make it through the next term, much less the rest of school. but i have good things to look foreward to. the weekends, the after college master plan, all of that. i am in love, which is the driving factor behind keeping me going. inspiration and all of that, knowing that there's someone rooting for me, i suppose. but whatever. take it however you want to, i'm either really depressed, or blissfully optimistic. take your pick.

its strange. i have an amazing amount of confidence in my plans, in my ideas, in my relationship....everything. just not myself. i dont know how that's possible, but i think that its the case, though. i trust everything, and everyone. but not my own abilities to achieve and all. i can't really explain it any more than that. i wish i could, but i dont really understand it any more than that.

it's interesting and amazing and a little tiny bit scary and completely awesome to have that one thing that you completely and totally live for. that one concept, the thing, the group, the person, whatever that is more important than anything you could ever hope to experiance. and somehow i've been lucky enough to find that for me. and i know that there have been times when i've gotten the short end of the stick, who hasn't? and sure, i guess one could argue that i deserve something like this, who doesn't? but man, i feel like what i'm experiancing, what i'm living, is more real and more....amazing...than anything anyone else has ever experianced. maybe that's how its supposed to be. i feel like i've lucked into something that i'm completely not deserving of, totally not good enough for. not just the person, but the entire experiance, let alone to be able to experiance it, probably for the rest of my life. why did i get chosen to be able to live this life? (not that i'm ungreatful, just the opposite...). so...take all that for whatever it's worth. i don't really bloggg all that much these days, so i guess when it rains it pours, huh? there's probably more, i cant think of anything else.

i do that, too, sometimes. wake up at 4 in the morning, anxious as anything, coming up with ideas and plans and speeches at a mile a minute. and they're all amazing and super-detailed, and i cant fall back asleep because there's so much going on in my head, and when i get up the next day, the ideas, the only positive things to come out of this experiance, are gone. i could probably write for days about the shit i thought of last night/this morning, if only i could remember it. one thing involved me apologizing to someone that isn't entitled to a THING from me. don't ask me why i thought of it, and i don't really feel like expanding on it any more than that. its just one of those people who i really don't need in my life at this point, who occasionally pops into my mind and annoys the hell out of me. that old chestnut. ok, so i guess i did go on about something else, but thats just one minuscule example. what can i say, i have my neurotic moments (i just usually hide them).

i really like baseball, its a shame i can't get to more games or watch the phils on tv too much these days.

Currently listening:
A Town Rush
By Kilo
Release date: By 19 October, 2004

Current Mood: apathetic
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